New Moon meets Dakota

OK. 

for those who ACTUALLY read their yahoo headlines,

you know this story, skip over to the next blog entry... =)

but for those who DON'T read those tiny headlines, then here:

i know, i know... the Twilight movie was a bit of a disappointment. The book was BLOODY good, but the movie was just a so-so. 

Robert Pattinson was my sole purpose for watching the movie two times over. 

So, in their second installment- New Moon,

Chris Weitz would be directing. Cross-fingers he does a way way way better job.

and guess what folks? Dakota Fanning would be playing the role of Jane... honestly, i couldn't find a better one in Hollywood to play the part of the young Volturi. Splendid choice Chris! 

wait, for those who have NOT read Meyer's books--- read.

don't you call yourselves ADDICTS of the saga when all you did was eat popcorn in a friggin' movie theatre. Ha! but it's good you show interest. =)

English Suicide

NOTICE OF DEATH:

my ENGLISH SKILLS

Today, I got my midterm grade for english...

I cried.

it was lower than I expected... way way lower.

see, I started speaking English in my diapers ages before I started  speaking Tagalog.

In school, english has always been my forte. somewhat, my THING. 

I was a straight A English student--- 'till today.

But I have to admit, it was my fault.

I have been really slacking off. Too much distractions.

I need to get my tail straight. Ugh. I hate having to catch up.

and all THIS, just for my CHINESE NEW YEAR.

great.

Adults Amuse Me

“Papunta ka palang. Pabalik na ako.” That is what we nine times out of ten hear from grown-ups as we share ideas and experiences with them. That is what my mom told me last night during a long sermon mass after trying to make an excuse of why I was five minutes late for my curfew. That is even what my ears perceive our neighbor shouts to her children every night. It spells out, “You’re still on your way, and I’m already going back.” Well, of course, that is true. With the years they have in their pockets, what do we [the younger ones] know?

Humans have tendencies, and this is one of them- the tendency for older people to act superior over the younger ones. Cain experienced it; Noah’s children went through it; and even the young Hitler had to hear the deafening hourly sermons of his parents. I am sure as sunset that every single teenager in the world has to deal with this natural tendency. They have roamed the earth longer, breathe deeper and walk slower, does this mean they know the secret to happiness? Does this mean they rule in their own rights?

I do not despise adults. I love them. We, the teenagers, cannot survive a day without them. Not only to they pay my tuition fee, phone bills, and lifestyle- they also in fact amuse me.

The adults say, “studies first, friends later”. For them, education is much more important than ‘barkada’ [friends]. I do not disagree. Good education is in direct equation to good job opportunities. This is what they say we should focus on, not the relationship and interaction we encounter with fellow men. Some adults, they concentrate on their jobs so they could earn, earn and earn- friends later.  Some, however, do not practice what they preach.  Amusing, is it not?

Adults consider teenage love stories the silliest of articles. They do not consider them real love. Stuff toys and love notes seem so childish and pathetic. Even the occasional holding of hands looks inane. Adults say only they know what real love is—they, who some, only see their spouses during breakfast and bedtime; some who forget anniversaries; some of them who have not understood the lines between lyrics of love songs; they who have not felt the warmth of the hug of their companions for days. Amusing, is it not?

“What on earth are you wearing?” screamed old-fashioned grown-ups after seeing young boys wearing baggy pants and untied sneakers, or girls wearing their hairs down for the wind to sway. The young generations’ fashion taste is a million mile far different from that of the older ones. Grandparents say we dress inappropriately. Our choice for clothes is indigestible. Classic is always en vogue. Yesterday, I saw a couple of teachers in the hall and I thought: don’t they look good in those rock-hard ironed suits? And those pencil skirts, just imagine how fast they could run in an emergency. Not to mention hairstyles sleeker than a road splashed with oil. Amusing, is it not?

“Children should not meddle into adult talks,” said the elderly. For they are the ones who know the rules, they are the ones who make the rules. They run the government and look over the world. May I ask, are the children the only one who breaks the rules? Are the children the ones who corrupt? Are the children the ones starting the war? Amusing, I might say.

They do deserve our respect. They do deserve our time. But they have to take into consideration that we too deserve their respect and that we too deserve their time. Their voices are just as loud as ours. Their dreams are just as real as ours. Their logics are just as true as ours. Yes, time has given them the credit to be more experienced, to be more knowledgeable on facts. But some things about them that seem to go against what they should be defined. They not only get arthritis and diabetes, they are also too vulnerable to the sad case of close mindedness.

Is it not amusing how happy adults pretend to be despite the factors that they unconsciously create that halts them from being so? Is it not just too droll that they focus on facts than real life itself so that they could say they have a life? Whose smiles are real smiles? If you are an adult or you believe to be one, go look in the mirror and see- inhale the truth. The day I will have to add digits to my age, I will not close my mind to what is real. Ignorance will not be my friend.

Despite everything, adults still rule. Literally.

That Bully from Gradeschool

Browsing through my grade school yearbook, I began to laugh. It is like the yearbook transformed into one big giant joke book, just take a glimpse of my picture- you’ll laugh for ages. I had the goofiest ugly face. Back in the day, I thought I was averagely cool. Now, I can see how I made that misconception. I remember walking down hallways with my head tilted down. I remember people shielding their eyes when I smile; the metal in my mouth never failed to amaze ignorant fools. I remember being dark, really dark. I did spend hours under the sun, what sixth grade cares for his or her dear lovely complexion? My hair was frizzy and my face was shabby. I was such an ugly duckling. I was a giant red target, ready to be shot at. I had too many flaws, in an environment where flaws must never be. 

Sometimes, people take advantage of those flaws and weaknesses- these are bullies. I learned about bullies on television, they take lunch moneys and give wedgies. But unaware was I before, that I had my own personal bully. No, my lunch money was safe and my underpants were never out of place. I had a different kind of bully- the worst kind. The kind that picks on one’s inner being. The kind that bullies on one’s confidence and strengths and transforms you to be the worthless chicken that bully wants.                 

There was this girl in my ***** grade class. She was the ----test, I guess. I never looked up to her though for she was a bad grass. An evil grass actually. I do not want to ruin her name. Often did she brag about how great and awesome her so-called magnificent ***** was. And just as often, she pounds on my self- esteem. She despises my entire existence.      

Initially, I could not understand why. She never greets me in the morning, yet she has been to all my birthday parties. She hates me but she shows everyone else that I was her friend. She treated me fine in front of others but badly when alone. She was my master and I was her personal slave. I would do all the tasks she was assigned to do, and she would present it as her own. All credits were showering sparkly on her as I strived to accomplish papers and consents for every night. I was greatly affected by her bullying. 

Every action I make is like crossing the road. I check both sides of the streets to make sure no car (her) was there to hit me. She has a way with words. She never failed to make me feel bad about myself. She was really good in making me feel dumb and worthless.

But I have had it. I had enough of her. I was happy and she hated seeing me happy. And I hate her hating me for being happy! Why did she have to ruin every happy moment I have. I had enough of being plankton in an ocean where she gets to be the big fish. I know my worth and I deserve better. 

So I confronted her, for the very first time, I spoke up to her. “%$&%&, What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you have to step on me all the time? Why can’t you just live a life of your own, away from mine? Never did I bother you. Never did I say anything to you. Yet you continue to make my life a living hell. I am happy. I do not give a damn whether you approve of it or not. Cause you know why? You are no one.” It was one of the scariest parts of my life. Everyone in that room that day was left in shocked after hearing what I said. And to be honest, I said more than what I have written here. (&*%*^$& all once intimidated them and they never expected anyone to ever have the courage to stand up to her and slam her doings to her face.

 I stood up to someone I once feared. And I felt great. I felt free. I felt like a whale, no longer that tiny plankton in the bottom of the ocean. I was never bullied over again after that. I am ME. And no one can ever step on me ever again.

Bullies pull you down because you are above them. Someway somehow, you are better than them. Next time a bully comes up to pick on me, I will know the exact words to pound them back; or the exact silence that would surely kill them.

Truth about LONEliness

By the dark corner of a window I sat alone shivering in the damp foggy cold. I stared at raindrops flowing like tears in the stained window glass. The room was terribly cold, terribly sad. Silence echoed on the corners, like the screams of hell. Fragrance of dead roses filled the four murky walls. Life no longer existed.

I escaped the sight of the forsaken room and looked outside into the dimmed dank streets. Fewer souls were walking on the pavements that dreary day. And those willing ones who were out in the fog were wearing black coats, black scarves, black jackets. Black, for they mourn their identity. They hide. They all seemed so small from my point of view, like minuscule ants marching in the dirt. They seemed worthless. And more importantly, they seemed alone. At that moment, I inhaled the sad truth. I came to realization that we are indeed alone. We are just one. We are by ourselves.   

We talk to other people’s ears, dance to other people’s feet, and sing along with other people’s voices. But all those are just endeavors to escape the truth that we are absolutely lonely. This is what all humans have in common. This is the realization all humans fear of.

I kept on glancing above the streets. I saw this young little boy in rugged clammy clothes, begging for food. He looked cold and pale. Men and women in black coats and jackets passed by him, never bothering. Even four storeys above, I saw the sadness in his young innocent eyes. I felt his pain. Like me, he was alone.

Now you see what I meant. We are individuals responsible for our own being. No one cared for that boy but himself. He was seen but never heard by the strangers passing by. He was nothing but another soul temporarily striving in this sorrowful world.

Loneliness eats us from within. It is like leprosy- or worse. It is up to us if we will let it devour us or not. Since we are individuals, it is we, as separate beings, that decide for our own fate. How we feel is out of our hands, but how we decide is controllable. You already know you are pathetically sad, now what are going to do about it?

If you took my words wrong, spare me the details of your suicide.

Blue Feather

The sphere where eagles start to fly, and where eagles commence to soar. A grand nest in western Mindanao where everyone is of service to others. A community filled with love and pride in strands of gold. A family where all eagles, young and venerable, explore the skies in league in flawless amity and grace. Ateneo, for God and country.

Ateneo enlightened me a lot of things that made a preferable soul. Before going to Ateneo, modesty was not in my vocabulary. I was not a person who persisted in being low profile. In my naive and more juvenile years, I tend to seize attention towards me. But as I pass each day in Ateneo, I realized how beautiful humility can be. With daily interaction with my classmates, educators and mentors (especially the Jesuits), the simplicity in things became clear to me. I need not brag my corporeal possessions, for the achievements I attain manifests pride in itself. In a ephemeral period of time, I came to fathom how superb it feels to be meek. Ateneo as well taught me how to become accountable and independent. I have improved self-reliance through conclusion making. There are instances where I have to make trifling but consequential decisions. Like whether to be a part of a program or a venture, I don’t have to bank on others to reckon for me.

 Responsibility made an emergence in my life when I got involved in extra-curicular activities. I had to balance my scholastics with the activities I had outside the classroom. I had to be at the helm of multi-tasking to be competent to give my 100% to each branch of study and activity. I had to systematize and juggle my way to have an spry and profitable high school life. Recently, I had to attend cheer-dance practices, take part in punlaan rehearsals, and a campaign forum all at the same time. But while doing so, I still have to attend classes and endeavor to achieve for excellent in all subject. I became competent in the complex art of multi-tasking which I had never encountered in my old school.

 Ateneo edified me not just to be a leader but to be an example. Example is the premier way to lead. During my junior year, we had a musical play which was probably the highlight of being a junior in Ateneo. I was chosen assistant director. I was in-charge of the creative directing. It was diverting because it put my creativity a step forward. But on the other hand, it was baffling because I had to bring out the best in all of the cast and the production staff. I had to make them fathom of how capable they are of producing an awe-inspiring spectacle; but to make them presume so- I had to have confidence in myself first. They have to catch a glimpse of me as confident for them to have self-assurance. I surmise I did a splendid job doing my part because we gave out a breathtaking play. It was the finest musicale I’ve ever seen regardless the fact that it was the sole musicale I saw. I have blossomed sociably since then. Although my social skills were deemed “the bomb” in my old school, in Ateneo I had to interact with a different environment. 

I persistently run across new people with contrastive perspectives in life. The clubs and organizations in Ateneo made the best impact in my social life. I came face to face with people who shares same interests and enthusiasm I have. I even enlist in clubs I never pictured of entering. I not only met supplementary playfellows, but I also brought to light new things to embrace. For example, the Glee club. I despised singing when I was in grade school. I have been humiliated in front of the entire student body when I sang. It was such a cringe-worthy experience. I knew I could carry out a tune but I am conscious that I cannot sing like Whitney Houston or Celine Dion. But since my best friend encouraged me to sign up to the Glee club, I gave it a shot. It was a settlement I never felt contrite about. I relish of singing in the choir now. I gave further chance for my voice to be heard even just as a soprano in a choir. I am elated to have the support and encouragement I needed to be where I stand right now. I am at this moment the club secretary of the Glee and Liturgical Society. But the Liturgical Society did not only coached me how to sing, but the society strengthened my faith. I saw faith by example. I was witness to how the people in the Ateneo community exercise their faith to God. 

The school gives importance to masses and religious gatherings not only of the catholic church but of all the religions. Ateneo gives so much regard to other religions. That respect means a lot to me since I myself am not a Catholic. As an Evangelical Alliance Protestant Christian, I give the greatest respect to my faith. I acknowledge a lot the effort the school brings for us to be still able to gather and give our praises to God. The morality the Ateneo illuminate doesn’t just halt with respect. 

Charity is a exceptional deal for the school. At first, I was not a charitable person; but when my class had an outreach program for the elderly when I was in junior high school, I surprised myself of how philanthropic I’ve become. I have the softest spot for the elderly and I just couldn’t bear seeing old people forsaken. That single event revamped the way I look at the world today. I realized how callous the world has started to become by leaving the people who raised and fed them to elderly homes.

 From that day, I pledged to myself that I would help the needy, especially the elders, in all chances i get. Ateneo palliated my heart. I now see the brighter side of things. From being a bit pessimistic- I now am very optimistic. I lose in the Council Of Leaders election. I Aspired to become a fourth year representative but the votes of my fellow batch-mates weren’t enough to take me to victory. In my younger years, I never accepted defeat. The last time I ran for office and lost was when I was a freshman in Notre Dame of Bongao. After hearing of my vanquishment, I cried and and snapped every piece of wood I saw. But here in Ateneo, I learned the virtue of sportsmanship. I came to realize that I ran for office not for my own good but to serve others, I could still serve them with or without power. I am power-hungry no more. As they declared my co-candidates as senior representative, I smiled and congratulated them. I did not feel bad anymore. All pieces of woods were spared from my strong breaking hands. I finally accepted defeat, and Ateneo taught me that. I may not have the luck in politics, but I have new doors open to help my develop my skills. 

That’s another good thing in Ateneo. The school gives me the chance to try new things and be good at it. The intramural is fast approaching and I am very excited because I will be competing in the year-level cheer-dance competition and the tug-of war contest. I have the chance to enhance my skills and be more athletic. I used to be a wimp but by joining the Ateneo women’s sepak takraw varsity team, I became more active and healthy. Through Ateneo, I can face challenges with a happy smiling face.

The Ateneo de Zamboanga University is an educational community forming men and women of God, men and women for others. and serving as an agent of change in bringing about peace and development. Be a participant in a community. Be a member of a family. Be an Atenean. Fly high with the eagles. Be on your way to a better tomorrow. For in Ateneo, you give the significance.

the FART in the train

intriguing title, isn’t? i was taking random snapshots from my cabin’s train window as we chugged southward along the rail from kuala lumpur, malaysia towards singapore.i was having a pretty delightful time, relishing the panorama outside while guzzling a gargantuan chocolate bar i bought at a duty-free shop in labuan, malaysia.

 my mom and little brother were swamped flopping at their beds and chattering. we bought beds in the lower decks (it was less-quivery, but a bit more costly). my mom summoned me out, so i threw wide the bed curtain and stretched my legs out. she offered me some water so i perched straight up fronting my mom. 

amidst us, was a space for other passengers from every carriage to tread by. you know how a typical train appears like, right? so as we jest and tease around while chugging down the peninsula, folks pass, come and go towards the self-activating doorway. some probably are perking their way for the mess hall, some are most likely off to the restrooms. but there were only few who sashay around the train.

 it was around 10:00 in the evening and we were still restless and conversing, when a mid-aged Indian (asian) man was trooping by. i didn’t really mind him, who cares to bother right? but at the moment he passed near us (dead close!), we all heard a thundering

 PRRRRRRRRTTTTT!!! PRRT! PPRRRT!! PRRRT!!! PRRRRTTTT!!!!!

…. hahaha! i’m not kidding, im dead serious- he really farted. it was the lustiest and most nauseating fart i have ever heard. and to make it more loathsome, his fart just came one foot away from my friggin’ face!!! i really almost gagged. if i were in his position, i would jump off the speeding train- death would sound so much sweeter than being mortified. 

but guess what?! he just carried on promenading like nothing happened. maybe he’s used to giving out a roaring fart in the blatant public- he never really gave a damn. i am not asserting all asian-indians are endowed this repugnant and disgusting behavior, but the man in the train did.

 just thinking about his smug little nasty face makes me wanna barf my stomach- but thinking about the “incident” makes me laugh my guts out… =)

Punishment of Indulgence

oh dear! oh dear! oh dear! look at that mass. i don’t know by sight myself anymore. guess all those fast foods during the summer finally showed up. curse those fries! how i hate the retribution of indulgence and appeasement. now i have to drop by the gym more often to ditch of all these fats. and yeah, no more fast foods for 10 months! but i should be elated my only dilemma is my weight. weight is only makeshift but somethings like ugliness and the attitude of being morally repugnant is in perpetuity. thank god i don’t look and act like “her”. hm… (bad! naughty naughty!) hehe… anyway, let’s retrace the steps back to me. i have this hurdle to bridle myself from purchasing things-including grub. there are even instances i have to pen myself in my pad and to keep my loot away from me just to abstain myself from from going out the door and buy buy buy. that maybe one of the justifications why the girl in my mirror have these flab. but i oath myself to squander as much poundage as i can. not only that it doesn’t appear good, it isn’t salubrious too. now now, where to commence… off to the restaurant! haha. just kidding.

Hanging by the edge

i am hanging over a cliff. looking down at me, is the one i love. the sad thing is, he is just looking at me- not even moving a muscle. he’s just looking at me like a little kid gazing at a flower-curious. but i am happy. i am happy he does not move. i am too scared that if he moves- he might push me down. i am not waiting for him to extend his arms, instead of reaching over, he might push me away. i am happy to be hanging over this cliff. at-least here, i am nearer to him. at-least here, he looks at me. i don’t care if he doesn’t care- the only important thing is- i care. i don’t ask him to love me, i never did. and i don’t have the plan to tell him- he might turn around and walk away, leaving me hanging by the edge of loneliness. maybe, we’re just better off as friends. maybe it will be better to just hang on this cliff.

The people is the Government--and boy, do we STINK!

let’s face it people, our country’s going down the drain- way way down. that’s what you get partly for having a short 60 year old daughter of a dead old president as a president. but hey, she’s a lot better than having a dead politician-wannabe action star as the Pinas President. i just hate those protesters who fight for the "dead". i mean, c’mon! he’s dead already. give him a break. 

i love free expression, I’m doing it right now. but whining to the government over and over and over is simply irritating. it’s pathetic! pinoys complain of being jobless. now, do they even lift their asses to go look for a job? they do not have jobs because their heavy little butts are to lazy to even take a shower to find a job. some pinoys do find a job opportunity but doesn’t  accept it. why? well they want more money for salary. they do no wanna start small. some are like that, dapat "big time" agad. hay! how will the country improve? or better yet, how will the country even survive? 70% of the dilemmas in the country are caused by the citizens. 30% of the problems are caused by the politicians… now can we just stop whining to the government and help them instead? years back, we elected a president to help rule our country, then we grew tired of slow progression so we kicked him out. then, we elected another new president, now we again are going tired of the slow improvement to the country that we want to kick her out again. what’s the point of electing someone if we do not trust them enough that we try to fire them even before they could finish their jobs? we Filipinos are too stubborn. i may be being negative here but I’m just trying to express the truth. well, that’s the truth i can see from my point of view.

"Ang mamatay ng dahil sayo" 

My Heart is Cruising the World

I am a young traveler of this new age. Where buildings and statues fascinates the juvenile mind. Where people and their behavior impresses a kid of interest. Where winds are not the same for the young feet. I am a young traveler who sees miles and miles of majestic scenery.I look at the sky as if I’ve been there before. The young traveler in me, seeks for journey. It seeks for thrills brought by life. It seeks comfort in every place. It seeks new things to understand and to be ignorant of. As I travel the world I become more ignorant of the things I never knew. But as I travel the world, i only not learn but i embrace the facts and culture i begin to know. Now, I can picture the sunset during sunrise. I can count the stars during lunch time. I can be in a world no one has gone to, because I can see the world in a beautiful way no one else could. i became a traveler, inside my room . I became a traveler under the oak tree. I became a traveler on our living room couch. I became a traveler at the corner of our garden. now I am a traveler sitting in the seashore. As I turn each page I travel the world. I will never stop traveling as long as I read.

The Song Daddy Used to Sing

when i was a little kid, i never went to bed unless my dad sung me a song...

"oh give me a home, where the bufallo roam. where the deer and the antelopes play..."

"home on the range" is just actually a kindergarten song but it is the song most dear to my heart… other girls are read books and fairytales by their dad to bed. my dad does that but there’s always that special song. my heart smiles whenever he sings that. now i live miles away from him, i miss him terribly. i tear up inside whenever i recall that song. i hum myself to sleep while thinking of him, wishing of dreaming of him in my sleep… i hate the cold chill i feel as i sleep. i got no one to cuddle me- my dad isn’t there to give me a big hug and sing for me. all i have are enormous pillows to hug, but they’re never enough. i miss my dad so much. i miss the way he makes everyone in the household shake with fear whenever he arrives. i miss the way he reminded me never to get married. i miss the way he nod in every dumb idea i tell. i miss the way he smiles when i hug him. i miss the way he describes how evil boys are. i miss the way he hands me my daily allowance. i miss the way he ask me how my day was. i miss the way he sits with me while watching my cartoons. i miss the way his eyes sparkle when i present to him a good grade. i miss the way he fetch me from place to place. i miss the way he would take me out to dinner every sunday. i miss the way he looks when he is hungry and when he’s full. i miss the way he ask me to be his valentine. i miss the way he looks when he work. i miss the way he tell me those stories in books. i miss the way he gets pissed when i stay up late. i miss the way he makes me laugh. i miss the way he sings me that song… i love you papa.